musings and essays

creating this website made me want to jump out a window OR my threshold guardian

…but it has also been pretty awesome; to see all these ideas come together, and most of all take another step in saying “yes” to accepting myself and doing what I love.  I am so delighted to share myself and my work with the world, as I am so appreciative of all you that do the same!

Have you heard of “Threshold Guardians”?

“Threshold guardians are obstacles that test the hero’s resolve, force them to demonstrate their commitment, or drive them into the next stage of the story. The threshold guardian must be faced and defeated for the hero to progress. They are markers of hero’s growth and tests to ensure the hero is ready to cross the threshold. As with many of the other archetypes, the threshold guardian may be a character, circumstances, or something within the hero that he or she must overcome. For Luke Skywalker, his threshold guardians are the stormtroopers at Mos Eisley, literally chasing him into the Millennium Falcon and the second act. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cordelia Chase acts as a threshold guardian by forcing Buffy to choose between her calling as a Slayer and her desire to be a popular high school girl.” — From StoryForge > — by Rachel Beck & Guest post by Elizabeth Kobayashi/ (thank you for such a great explanation and just what resonates with me!)

I believe I first heard of this idea from Joseph Campbell and discussion of The Hero’s Journey (I believe there are other origins and ideas around it as it seems a universal; an archetype). From the moment I heard of this many years ago, I’ve carried the idea with me and have found it helps me recognize important, and difficult moments and phases of my life, and truly empowers me to stay with it, most of the time. The building this website has definitely been one of my Threshold Guardians and having awareness of Threshold Guardians has, for sure, helped me stay with this!

I could not have done this, also, without the daily support of my boyfriend, Haze, and the frequent support of my sister Wendy — I am not sure I wouldn’t have given up without them. I really have a wonderfully supportive family and I really thank them all! I want to highlight these two, as if you are every trying to do this, or something like it and are anything as fragile as me : )   — I want you to know it is possible!

Haze, my goodness, listened and empathized when I was yelling and crying that the world is bullshit because everything is so dependent on technology now, and all I want to do is be in my workshop making stuff, and why is it so hard, and why so many choices, and why does it seem that stuff just disappears and and and. He is beautiful and supportive and calming, and continually reminded me what great steps I’d already made and that there would be a time when it would come together and it was gonna be wonderful when it did — or that if something was really not working that going in a different direction is ok too, because it is all information and learning. He empathizes when I’m down, but still gives encouragement and tough-love to keep going when I want to hide or flip my desk and  burn it all – he’s been such a wonderful support and partner along the way — I sure love this fella.

Wendy, my oldest sister, is a web designer — she talked me through so very much of this; from tips on where to start, to supporting me and encouraging me to stay with the process as it would definitely bring the rewards I was after (and even be fun sometimes!), and sometimes fixed things that I inexplicably had fucked up. She had great insights for organization and style, and also shared in my excitement for why I am even doing this along the way!

My dream was not to make a website, my dream has been to prioritize acceptance of myself and what I want to do with my energy — to push myself to do what calls to me and not just stay in jobs because that’s where I am, whether I find good there or not, but to listen to myself and do what is right for me. I have found that, as with so much art and creativity, sharing it with the world (and so sharing ourselves) is such a fun and important part of living — and now, with so much more of life connecting on-line, even though I find it difficult sometimes the amount that technology plays a part in our lives, I do find a lot of good in it, as I know I too enjoy seeing others art and life as well.

Thanks for being here — be well!





1 thought on “creating this website made me want to jump out a window OR my threshold guardian”

  1. Pingback: Defeating the Threshold Guardians

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